why blog?

if this blog is to continue, i need to come up with some higher purpose for it.

to be continued...

balancing act

on the one hand, i want to be back in school, i think it is the place for me.

on the other hand, school takes up a lot of time and energy and it's much more fun to be involved in things rather than just reading about them. so maybe if i can't go to school, it will be better and i can still do what i want to do outside of the dayjob life.

so really either way it will be okay. i just have to keep writing. as long as i keep writing, something good will happen.

how are you?

are you happy?

do you feel strong today?

i love you.

stupid elite institutions

i just want to go to school. i don't know why, i just have always had a sense that it's the place for me. but only people with money get to go to school. if you don't have the money, someone has to give it to you. if no one gives you the money, you don't get to go.

and then supposedly, academia is some vast storehouse of knowledge, where intellectuals congregate and work to contribute to bodies of knowledge out there in the world.

but only certain people are involved in that. not everyone gets to be a part of it. it doesn't matter how intelligent you are, how important you (i) feel your (my) ideas are, it doesn't matter if your heart tells you that you have something for the world to hear. if you don't have money, you can't go to school.

stupid capitalist system.

stupid patriarchal competitive institution.

stupid me who thinks it's worth something and important in the first place.

patriarchy zine- calling for submissions!

i'm looking for submissions to a zine about life in patriarchal society. stories, rants, essays, poetry, artwork, whatever you want to do. deadline is 2/1/10. tell yer friends!

if you want to submit something- please have it zine ready. landscape page format (so that the long sides of the page are the top and bottom), 1/2 sheets, wide margins.

folks keep asking me- what do you want? what's it going to be like? the answer is that i don't know. i have no idea until it's all before me and done. when i organize other people, i consciously try not to control them. i lay the framework, get some foundation down to allow everyone else's creativity to shine. then i step back, wait to see what comes, and something beautiful and unique is invariably born. my favorite projects are those that i have the least to do with. all i know is this- lots of people struggle with our patriarchal society and lots of people want to be free. but it's hard. we're alienated from one another, afraid to talk to one another, we feel powerless and alone. so i decided to put out a call for submissions and see what happens. so far it's been good. i've had feedback from many people, local and in far away american places- many are really excited that this project is underway and many are planning to submit or already have. how about you?

email it to me: thehurricanesings@gmail.com. or contact me that way so we can work off a handoff/mailing address if it's not something you can email.

love!

FREE RADIO

free radio chukshon is now on 103.3 fm in tucson.  now all of tucson can hear it.  it's on from 4-midnight, mon. thru sat.  4-9 on sundays.  check it out!  you can also listen online at www.freeradiochukshon.org.

love!

 

moving on

my head is clearing, little by little and i have an insane and unprecedented abundance of creative energy.  it was very stifled before.  my eyes are opening up as the fog clears.

watched a great documentary on charles bukowski and have gained a lot of inspiration from learning about him.  he worked hard every day and wrote every night.  he was also a misogynistic drunk- but the documentary put all that in perspective and conveyed how he was very human.  anyway- the bit about how hard he worked at his day job and how he did his writing all the rest of the time hit home.  it's where i've been for a long time.  writing and creating on the weekends and evenings.  sometimes i'm too tired for it- but i need to keep going anyway.  there's fire inside me and i have to keep feeding it.  the flames of creativity.

i had an intense dream a few nights ago.  i woke up in the middle of the night and knew it was important that i remember it all, so i told it to my cat and instructed him not to let me forget.  the dream was about how it doesn't matter if the machines/capitalism/patriarchy/anger/etc win.  because as long as we're free, no one can take that away.  real freedom is internal and real freedom is untouchable.  

love! 

opening up

this world makes us afraid of each other, afraid of ourselves. we distrust strangers, simply because we do not know them. to open up, attempt connection, embark on conversation- we open ourselves up to the potential of misunderstanding, of cruelty, of obligation.

when we embark on conversation with strangers, we open up the possibility that the person will become significant somehow. perhaps we'll find we have something in common, perhaps we'll disagree. either way- there is an obligation that comes with the acknowledgment that one is more than another random face on the street. when ANYONE becomes SOMEONE- suddenly we care a bit about what happens to them. we become emotionally obligated to care.

in earlier times- conversing with strangers would have been a norm. it would have been a basic fact of daily life. but today, in our world of anonymous computerized grocery store checkouts, constant handheld communication devices interfering with opportunities to interact with people immediately around us, and rampant fear of anything unknown or different- life can be lonely and terrifying.

talking to strangers is nothing short of revolutionary.

writing is like throwing up

i've blogged with this title more than once.  but it really IS like throwing up, only it takes way longer and is in some ways more uncomfortable.  i finished a piece i've been working on for the last couple months.  and suddenly a great weight has been lifted.  it's really done.  well... it's not done done cuz i still have to do all those little finishing touch type things and it will be turned into a zine so i still have to do that and make copies and all that.  but the hardest part is over.  all that mental wrestling and worrying and trying to get the words right- that part is done.  i think now that perhaps my emotional strife of recent weeks is largely due to this writing project.  cuz suddenly i feel way better.

it's totally like throwing up.  i heave and some words come out on the page... i think i'm done, but there are still dry heaves happening- false starts and lots of staring at the screen doing nothing.  then another productive heave, then nothing for awhile.  and then, just like when you're done throwing up- you just sort of know that it's over.  you said what you had to say and it's all done now.  you can move on, brush your teeth, go back to bed, tomorrow's a new day.

thanks to the veterans, i had today off.  my paycheck is gonna suck, but i'm definitely enjoying today.

love

t.s.h.

the egg cracks

i am a complicated mess of conflicting emotion.  

i thought i was just angry.  turns out there was a lot more to it.

i reached a point sometime in the last couple years, where i'm realizing how messed up i am from my 32 years of being socialized to behave/think/feel in certain ways because i am female.  that's great.  i figured out that i've been lied to and manipulated my entire life.  so- now what?  once the egg cracks open, where does the baby bird go, if not back into the same frustrating world?

detoxing

makes me cranky.  but i know in the end it's for the best.  i don't even feel like i want to imbibe... i just know that normally i would and that the absence of all that is making me irritable.  i haven't smoked a cigarette in about 2 weeks, though.  that's pretty good.  my lungs feel happier.

and detoxing in other ways.  non chemical ways.  trying to figure out who to negotiate my way through the challenging maze of emotional confusion that is human socialization.  at least, human socialization as i know it.  i'm not good at faking things.  people really frustrate me and it's hard to let go of.  letting go of it all is exactly what i should be doing, though.  a long time ago it occurred to me that a person is not inherently annoying.  it isn't because there is something in them that makes them annoying to others around them.  it's that the others around them aren't able to control their annoyance and blame their own emotional reactions on the person who is the object of these emotions.  my frustration with humanity of late is the same thing.  it's not humanity's fault that i'm frustrated.  it's my fault for having unrealistic expectations and standards for the world, to the point that i am constantly frustrated by these standards not being met.  and then i'm not really any fun to be around either.  

so anyway, that's what's been going on with me.  feeling really frustrated with other people and with human beings in general.  when i was in europe, i walked every day and was in love with everything.  i came back to tucson feeling like it was where i belonged and that i had all this great stuff going on here.  these days i find myself questioning why i felt like i should be here at all.  

bleak.  whiney.  frustrated.  pretty lame, really.  

on disillusionment

a person who isn't involved with radical projects isn't able to see them at work, or to see the change that they do. from the outside, it seems cut and dried- they're just a bunch of stupid kids, punks, men, anarchists, angry feminists, whatever. but from the inside, one is able to see things evolve, change, grow over time. real change is slow- but it's real and it's happening. if you aren't tapped in, it can be easy to dismiss it all, to think that nothing works and nothing changes. to me, the simple things are the most revolutionary. the fact that people can work together to achieve some goal without anyone making any money out of the deal or being told what to do is a challenge to capitalism and to the horrific status quo we're all suffering from.

just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not happening. it's a struggle for sure, and fraught with frustration. i'm not immune from it either- i get annoyed with people's thoughtlessness and bored in meetings, too. sometimes i'm so frustrated that i hole up on my own to take a break from it all. i understand all that, i really do. we are all so f*cked up by our society and the supposed norms that no one really fits into that none of us know what to do. it's a struggle for people to learn how to do things differently- how to be different kinds of people- people who don't need to sell themselves or buy things to be happy, people who fix things, make things, create things, people who work together and trust one another. but the learning curve is what it is. it doesn't mean that things aren't happening. it means that real meaningful change is slow and riddled with challenges.

but the fact is, change is happening. it's revolutionary change. let me give an example or two. friday night there was a show at dry river. i use the show example just because it' s recent and fresh in my mind, but the same could be true of any other event we put on. friday was the last show for a band made up of long time dry river folk and there was a huge turn out to see it all happen. it was rowdy and crazy and a very appropriate send off for this particular band (whose shows often include nudity, costumes, an exploding drum set (they only blew up a drum set once- new year's 2008), and lots of love). the crowd was full of all kinds of folks. very young punks- cutie pies who ranged in age from about 12-14. high school kids, out of high school/college kids, older folks (like me!) who are involved in dry river, and other older folks who don't usually come around the space cuz they prefer bars. it was a diverse, but packed crowd.

enter the revolution: our door is donation only- people know that, word gets around. it's a direct challenge to capitalism, because we really aren't invested in making a bunch of money. we have a huge show coming up this week (built to spill, yo!) and we're going to be set for quite awhile after that, so the pressure to make rent wasn't an issue at all for friday night's show. not that we stress about it much anyway. somehow, our community always makes sure we have our rent, even if we cut it close sometimes. for the kids who come to dry river regularly (mostly the high school, out of high school/college age kids) they know the drill. if they have money, we need it. if they don't have money, we love them anyway and they don't need to feel any embarrassment that they couldn't pay. for the people who don't usually come around dry river and who were there possibly for their first time- they see that the space is something very different from what they're used to. we don't sell anything (bands often have merch for sale, but that's about it), we don't require payment at the door, and nobody works there. we're a community running a space. for those of us who are involved most regularly- we all know each other. we know who to ask when a problem arises, we know who to check in with when we're not quite sure how to handle a situation. we know that we're empowered to make decisions ourselves. that is nothing short of revolutionary as far as i'm concerned.

there is a girl who is involved with the collective and dry river- she's about 20 and has been coming around about as long as i have- 3 years or so. she, like the majority of the regulars around dry river, is part of a very inspirational movement of sober youth. they aren't really organized and it isn't something related to religion (although some of them practice some religion or other)- but they all go to shows, play in bands, support each other, and are fiercely loyal to and protective of dry river. and so this girl saw some things going on at that show that shouldn't have been- people who don't usually come around and who aren't invested in the deeper meaning of the space had alcohol there. they were being rude, doing things that could have resulted in stuff getting broken and people being hurt. totally of her own volition, she got up on the mic, stopped the show, and gave everyone a piece of her mind. sure, there was one idiot who yelled, "f*ck you!" but there were many more who applauded and cheered for her and who, like me, really appreciated that she had the courage to say what she did. she was empowered, knew that the had the support of the dry river community, and took steps to put her own energy out there. she didn't need to ask anyone first because she knew it was okay and that we'd support her.

there is a boy who comes around dry river. i think he started coming at some point in the last year, while i was out doing my grad school thing. he's about 13, very thoughtful and polite, and totally into the punk/metal scene. he knew that people were drinking in the space friday night- they'd snuck in some of those alcoholic energy drinks, which is pretty easy to do since they look like a can of soda or iced tea or something. and this 13 year old kid took it upon himself to explain that dry river is an alcohol free space and asked them to take it outside. and they did it! just like the girl who got up on the mic, this boy knew that it was okay for him to act on behalf of dry river. i don't know if he thought about it consciously or not- but on some level he must have known that he had our support and that it wasn't necessary to ask someone what to do- he could just do it.

in what other place in tucson would you see things like that? there are some other grass roots, anarchist/radical projects happening and maybe they have a similar vibe. but in the context of a place that engages/supports/empowers people of a wide variety of ages and backgrounds, i think dry river really is unique. we have a long way to go- of course it's still a mostly white, mostly male place (i'm working on that, i really am!). it's often messy- for some reason it never occurs to anyone to wash the dishes they use, the toilet barely works, and there are all sorts of frustrations that come up just because they always do when people try and work together. but to me, the real change that has happened in dry river throughout the four years of its existence outweighs by far the frustrations and challenges. the point is- we rise to the challenges, we deal with the frustrations, we talk to each other and learn how to trust each other's strengths and tolerate our weaknesses (cuz we all have them, right?). in the end- the fact that dry river exists makes it revolutionary. the last four years have been a time of immense growth and change in dry river, as people connect to the deeper meaning behind the space, learn how to interact differently with one another, take responsibility for the impact they have, and use the empowerment provided by the space to create positive change.

i'm sorry that people give up. but i also realize that if they aren't going to be involved and they hide behind the idea that nothing matters and no one can change anything, then they won't see it happen. in very stark contrast, revolution is all i see. not just at dry river- but in really mundane ways, too. people biking, making stuff, deciding to throw neighborhood parties for strangers, volunteering to help bring about change however they can. i see revolution everywhere. it's happening, whether or not everyone acknowledges it.

love

t.s.h.

pondering revolution

it's something that happens deep inside.  it's more than political upheaval, more than any economic system.  it's who we are inside that needs changing.  in my humble opinion, the only way this world will ever change for the better is when we seriously tackle the task of changing ourselves.  we've all been fed the same lies about who we're supposed to be and what we're supposed to be to be successful.  it's all really hard to let go of.  but if we really can let go of it all, and reconstruct who we are and the ways we relate to one another- great things await.

it's all about being free, right?  free to be our truest selves.  free of the constant pressure to make money and rise up to the top of our respective corporate towers.  for some folks, it works to drop out of sociey- travel light and not feel too concerned with how or whether the bills get paid.  for people like me, most people, it's not that easy.

and so the struggle is to break free while we're still enslaved.  perpetually enslaved by the dollar, debt, corporate greed, and the law.  the struggle is to find a way to be happy and to feel free- to feel like you spend your days doing what you really want to be doing.  but we're all trapped.  

when i came back from europe- i walked around like a person with newly opened eyes.  i saw all this societal imprisonment that most folks never think twice about.  i saw it everywhere and i felt above it all.  i felt that i'd been liberated at long last and that once i was able to see it all, it could not beat me down again.  but it has.  the pressure to be all the things i'm supposed to be gets me down while my back is turned.  i find myself trapped in mindsets i thought i'd left behind.  but i don't want them anymore.  i'm sick of constantly feeling like i'm too much of this and not enough of that.  i just want to be me.  and i want you to be you.  because you are the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.  

new projects

i haven't written anything in awhile.  mostly it's because i've been busy doing things other than sitting in front of my computer.  but today is the first writing day in a long time.  as usual, i find myself much more eager to update my blog than to actually start writing.  

i have become involved with a very interesting new radio project.  saturdays at 6 is an hour you might be particularly interested in.  tucson time, of course.

work is sucking all my energy these days.  kids are beautiful and i love them.  i learn a lot from them and treasure the relationships that i have with them.  but i am not cut out for the work week.  i don't like forcing myself awake through caffeine every morning, i don't like how tired i am every night, i don't like it that my energy is primarily dedicated to my earning potential.  it's a real drag.  hopefully this is my last year doing work that drains me all day long, 5 days a week.  i know most "work" is this way.  but i'm convinced that there is balance out there and that i can find it somehow.  

my future is still uncertain.  so is everyone else's- but i'm still planless and will be planless probably until sometime in late spring.  the choices are, in order of my preference:

1.  stay in tucson and do my phd in geography here.  i like tucson.  i love a lot of people here and have found many who tolerate my awkward smart girlness and make me feel safe and loved.  i have good community that i don't want to leave.  also, academically- i like the department here a lot.  there are good people doing interesting things and i feel like i'd fit in (as much as i fit in anywhere) and be able to do my thing and strike the energy balance that i am lacking at present.

2.  move to kentucky and do my phd in geography there, at uk in lexington.  i have a number of friends who already live there and so that's a huge plus.  i like all those people a lot and would like to live near them.   the department is pretty into radical thinking and supportive of abnormal ways of doing things.  it would be a good fit for me.  but- i really hate being cold and i don't want to leave tucson for all the reasons stated in option 1.

3.  if i don't get funded, i won't be able to do either 1 or 2.  that means i have to find a job and make some money.  i am optimistic about this option, although it almost surely means i have to leave tucson.  maybe there's something i could do here that would pay me enough to handle my student loan debt- but probably not.  one cool idea i had was that i could look at working for an non governmental organization in the middle east and just have a big adventure out of the states for awhile.  that's a totally nebulous idea that i haven't really investigated- but it could be cool.  and maybe then i could be someplace where there are middle eastern anarchists and that could become part of my research/writing and i wouldn't be as sad to be out of school as i am now. 

no matter what happens- my path lies in the anarchist movement.  if i have to work a day job and continue that other, much more important, much more meaningful part of my life outside the parameters of "work," then i shall.  it's a beautiful thing that is changing the world around us and i want everyone to know about it.  academia is a pretty narrow and incestuous institution, so maybe that's just not the right place for me to be.  the fact is- it's the only thing i've ever really seen myself doing or wanted to do.  be in school for as long as possible, eventually be a professor, teach classes and continue my own research.  summers off, occasional sabbatical semesters- it's not such a bad life, especially since one way or the other- "work" is going to be a constant part of my life. 

now that you have the update on my potential future, here are a few big things on my mind of late:

1.  intoxication holds me back but i'm not sure what to do with that yet.  except to say that i'm really not into drinking alcohol at the moment and have become increasingly frustrated with the social impotence and apathy that accompanies our socialized urge to "party."  

2.  proprietary relationships with carefully defined rules and regulations are not for me, but it's really hard to break free of that conditioning.  it's also really hard to strike up new relationships with people because everyone operates on the ownership/rules/regulations model.  i find myself regularly in the company of men who see relationships in proprietary terms and who talk about women in ways that make me very uncomfortable.  they make me feel like i am the object of some great conquest, but i'm not.  i struggle to know how to deal with it.  lately it's just been making me really angry.  at the same time, i know that these men are just as confused and trapped in our repressive society as i am.  just that they don't see how they could break free.  i feel like i've broken free in my own mind- but that's only the beginning.  the hardest part is talking about it with people in a healthy way.  it's all very confusing.

3.  i want to be back in school.  i want to be back in school.  i want to be back in school.  maybe if i say it enough times it will come true.

4.  months ago i felt like a giant hurricane swirling full of energy and motivation.  today i am a pitifully powerless drizzling rainstorm.  i'm working on that.

5.  prison is ridiculous.  did you know that the united states has 25% of the global prison population?  it's pretty terrible that we live in a world where, when someone is naughty, we lock them up in a concrete box and expect that to fix things somehow.  it's disgusting that the prison system exists.  there are a lot of activists who work on prisoner support, which is great.  but usually the focus is on supporting other anarchist/activists who are in prison.  they definitely need our support and i'm glad that there is energy in that direction.  on the other hand, the vast majority of people in prison are not activists or professed anarchists.  there are many websites out there with lists of prisoners who want penpals from outside.  this can be a very rewarding experience and i encourage you to consider writing to someone who is in prison.  imagine if your life was spent in a concrete box.  you'd want someone to write to you.

whoever you are, i hope you are doing well.  sorry for my long silence here in the blogosphere.  life has caught me up.  all in all- things are flowing along.  and i am always reminded that there are many people out in the world struggling just to survive.  in comparison to the fortunes of many- my life is a paradise.  my task is to never forget that or take it for granted.

love

t.s.h.

writing

has been flowing like water, in it's own direction, uninhibited.

and it's good.

love

t.s.h.

friday and a song for you

and i'm glad.  

i'm working on some writing projects.  things are happening.  more soon on that topic.  maybe later this weekend, depending.

i'm also working on sewing projects.  spent last weekend cutting things out and prepping them... perhaps this weekend will be sewing interspersed with writing.  that actually sounds fabulous and i hope it really happens that way.  i also hope i do yoga.  i like yoga a lot and i always feel better after.  but somehow it's so hard to get up and take that first step toward actually doing it.  the continuing saga of my struggle against myself.

please listen to this song by eric ayotte.  it's called father nurture.  

love

t.s.h.

alexandros grigoropoulos

was a kid who was killed by cops in athens last december.

i wouldn't have gone to athens if he had never died.  the riots happened because of what happened to him- the collective outrage over his murder was the catalyst for widespread rioting that went on for weeks.  it all happened last winter.  and so i sat, last winter, at shot in the dark in tucson, supposed to be writing my thesis but distracted by all the youtube footage coming out of greece.  it was all the same time as when i was planning my trip to france and decided i should pick one more place to go, since i probably won't be heading to europe again anytime soon.  the riots were happening because alex died and so i picked greece.  

he was with a couple friends and a cop rolled by.  stories differ as to exactly what happened, but the basic outline is fairly consistent.  it's pretty rare that cops go into that part of athens (exarchia) and when the car rolled by, alex and his friends yelled and threw rocks at it.  the cops got out and one of them shot him.  and so alex died- some punk kid just like so many other punk kids i know.  with a sweet smile and a healthy mistrust of authority.    

i don't really have a point, i guess.  just looking at pics of alex and thinking about the kind of person he was and the significance of his death.  

i wish people would be nicer to each other.  

home

and now i'm back.  it's been awhile since my last post.  i've been away from the computer and internet access and have been immersing myself back into my life.  even though i was in town last year- i wasn't around much and didn't see folks often, so it feels like i was away for a year, even though i was really here all along. 

i'm happy to be back home in the desert sun with good friends and my beloved feline companions.  been re-involving myself with dry river, which has been awesome.  there are many amazing things that happened over the last year that i had nothing to do with and i've been delighting in the fact that the place keeps going, in it's organic and constantly evolving way. whenever folks step out for awhile, their absence is compensated for by new energy in the form of new folks getting involved and taking things on in their own way.  it's anarchy and it's a beautiful thing.  it's always riddled with the constant challenges inherent in human interaction, but with folks' love for the space, the community, and the symbolism of it all taking precedence over self-interest.    usually.    :)  

i started sewing, and that has been a very satisfying thing.  my mom is an amazing seamstress and always has some project going.  when i was a kid, she tried to teach me many different times and i wasn't a very good student.  but lately i just decided to dive in and learn- i have made some things i really like!  i think the secret to sewing is that a person has to be okay with making a lot of mistakes, going through the tedium of correcting them, and working through that process until something decent has been created.  and everything i make teaches me something new.  it's like anything else in life- the struggles and the process of making mistakes and correcting them teach us about ourselves and about how to do things differently in the future.  the seam-ripper is your friend.  both metaphorically and as a sewing tool.   

work, however, is a bit of a drag.  i started back two weeks ago.  i even have a job i like, but i feel myself growing increasingly resentful that 40 hours of my precious energy are dedicated to feeding the capitalist machine that i hate so much.  the folks who run my workplace do not have my respect and i don't like that they have authority over me.  i'm rather resentful of the whole situation, to be honest.  i'm trying to get over it- i enjoy the folks who i work with on a regular daily basis and that's the most important thing.  the people who run the place put in appearances periodically- i nod and smile and then go back to whatever i was doing.  really, i have it pretty good compared to lots of other job situations i've been in and i shouldn't complain.  but i do anyway.  such is the nature of my relationship to hierarchical power structures.

i'm a bit sad about not starting back to school myself this time around and feel rejected by the academy.  i know funding is tough all over and that i am one of many folks all over the united states who would have started (or continued) a grad program this year if only money were available.  i've been trying to not make it personal.  but there is still a bit of a sting there.  i feel like academia is really the only place where i fit- precisely because it is there that i can not fit and it will be okay.  i found the programs that suited me best and even was accepted to my two top choices.  but without money, it doesn't really matter.  i can only hope that things will be better next year and i'll be funded.  if i'm not funded next year- i think i'll put that dream aside for awhile and look elsewhere for my path.  it's a sad conclusion to come to- but the loan sharks are circling already and i can only keep them at bay for so long.  if i'm not in a phd program, eventually i'll have to do something to make some money or leave the country or something.   

i have many grad student friends who are gearing up to go back in the next week or two.  my situation is bittersweet- i'm happy for a break from the rigor of academic life and from the pressure of it all.  i think i'm still really struggling with how to be me in the face of the masculinized competitiveness of academia and i think this year will be good for me in terms of making my own way and contributing things on my own terms.  on the other hand- the pressure is a good motivator to produce quality work and i already miss the constant intellectual stimulus.  this last year i realized that i had many female friends in academia who feel the same way i do about the machismo side of it all.  and now i'm out of the loop.   

and so i'm back to my old life again.  some new perspective gained from time away.  i realized a lot of good things about life in the united states, particularly in the context of the radical movement, when i was away from it all.  we have a good thing going here and i want to dedicate my life to studying about it, learning from it, telling the world all about it, and hopefully leading more people to live outside this beastly machine that constantly threatens to devour us all with our own consumerism and helplessness.

love!

t.s.h. 

exarchia

today i wandered around exarchia for awhile.

athens, like many big cities, is divided up into smaller districts. really they're just big neighborhoods. it's the same kind of thing as in seattle, eugene, tucson, and other cities in the states. so exarchia is the anarchist stronghold. it goes beyond eugene's whitaker and tucson's dunbar springs. in exarchia- the cops don't even go in. there are certain understood boundaries around the area and cops aren't welcome within these boundaries. cops adhere to this because it's understood that, should they enter, revolt will follow. it's interesting because in other areas- cops have a really large and overtly dominating presence. near the parliment building (where apparently prostests are held on average twice a week) there is always a bus full of riot gear ready to go. serious riot gear- i could see helmets and shields and imagine there's a lot more that they don't leave hanging in the window. then as you walk along- there are cops stationed at nearly every block, in twos or threes. sometimes with little pistols in holsters like they have in the states- sometimes with full on machine guns ready to go.

but here's the thing- it's really all for show. before the riots of last winter, when a 15 year old anarchist boy was shot and killed by police, it had been since the 1980s since anything of that severity happened. here's a little bbc piece about the situation overall. the cops here are trained to be really threatening but not actually kill anyone. same as in the states, i guess. but still- the presence is different. i passed two riot gear busses today, totally ready to go. and the guys walking around with their machine guns out- how can you not hate that and want to fight back? i'll be unpacking it all for a long time, mentally speaking. these are just first impressions for now.

i asked a bit about it all and was told that the police presence hasn't increased since the riots last winter- it's always been this heavy and is nothing new. but i think exarchia has increased its notoriety, anyway.

the grafitti is insane there. the ground floor of every single building there is literally covered in grafitti. stencils, posters, tags, messages in greek, english, and spanish. covered. i took tons of pictures and i promise i'll post them when i'm back home.

the best thing all day- really all week since i've been here- the most beautiful thing i saw in this place was a lovely little guerilla park, built on the site of an old parking lot. d.i.y. guerilla gardening at it's finest- the folks in exarchia got together, decided to make a garden, cleared out most of the concerte- dumpstered wood and the things they needed and planted a wonderful park full of benches, tables, interesting bits of artwork, trees, flowers, and edible things... i saw many tomatos. i was moved to tears, sitting there, actually. after walking block after block of dirty streets and grafitti everywhere that says "fuck the police" and other similar messages of anger, frustration and hate- this little park was a testament to people coming together to create something beautiful. and honestly- this tiny park in the middle of anarchist exarchia was the cleanest place i'd been in all of athens- even the touristy areas where my hostel is located. and there was a big sign at one corner that said, "love is possible." maybe it doesn't make sense how i've explained it here- why it was so moving and emotional. it just meant a lot to me that here, in athens, on the other side of the planet from my little world in tucson- there are some other anarchists out there who are trying to build something positive and loving in the midst of so much anger and frustration. this little park really inspired me and made me understand that i have like minded people all over the world- people who are sick of the status quo and sick of the way our world priveleges the rich and institutionally powerful- and who are trying to build something good in spite of it all and not succomb to hate. it's too easy to succomb to hate and really, love is the stronger force.

and so tomorrow i set off into the sunrise. i'm looking forward to being home. it's been a good trip. i saw many things and learned a lot. but now i'm out of money and feeling increasingly guilty about borrowing from my mommy, who doesn't have so much to lend out. anyway, i'm back to work in a couple weeks and things will even out again. all the same- i'm surrounded by these rich american kids in this hostel- kids who've been everywhere without batting an eye and who are just here to drink and get laid. grrr... but i must not succomb to hate.

i hope that whoever you are, wherever you are, you are happy and enjoying yourself. if you're not- go take a walk and smell some flowers or something.

love!

t.s.h.

athens love

when i first arrived in athens- i was scared. so much noise- cars, buses, motorcyles, taxis all honking. people yelling greek over the general chaos of the streets. there aren't really traffic lights like we have in the states and the way the streets are ordered at all mystifies me. i wanted to curl up away from it all and i wondered if coming here was a mistake.

but now- i kinda get it. and i'm starting to love it. it's rough and gritty. it's passionate and emotional like the way greek is spoken. there's grafitti everywhere- anarchist and other kinds. but lots and lots of anarchist grafitti. and really- it's everywhere i've been. and i've walked a lot in every direction. it's a huge city and by the time i leave i will have only covered a fraction of it- but still, i walk hours every day in new directions. and the grafitti is everywhere i go.

there are stray dogs and cats all over the place. the kitties come up to me when i talk to them. the dogs laze about in the sun.

the anarchist scene here centers on athens polytechnic university- located in the district of athens called exarchia. i went there today and walked around. tomorrow i'll go back for more.

also today i walked up to the acropolis. it's right in the middle of the city at the center of athens and it's the highest point in the city. i could see all the way to the sea, with boats winking in the distance.

nevers-> paris-> dublin -> athens

whew. it's been a whirlwind of places and things lately.

i left nevers on saturday. goodbye tiny nevers!

then i went to paris. stayed saturday to tuesday in a little hostel with my friend from nevers (via the oregon days) and had a great time seeing things and walking al over the city. paris is really an incredible place. i see now why it gets talked about so much. i saw some wonderful things. two hightlights were the catedral notre dame of paris and the louvre. both buildings were insanely huge and beautiful. there is nothing like either of them in the states- nothing that even comes close. i took tons of pictures but i think i'll wait to post them when i'm back in the states and not on a public computer in athens.

and of course i got my picture taken in front of the eiffel tower.

then on tuesday i flew to dublin for a layover on the way (although totally out of the way) to athens. it was green and raining. after the days of walking long hours all over paris, i was happy just to sit and eat airport food and watch the people going by. i got on the plane and was seated next to this really nice older irish couple. before long- he was buying round after round of beers and i was pretty drunk by the time we got to athens. it was great fun.

i got to athens on tuesday night. the hostel is in a good location- literally right behind the acropolis and there are lots of interesting things all around. i figured out where the riots of last winter happened and i think i'll set out to explore that area tomorrow morning.

some unexpected financial trouble hit. or maybe i should say- "doh! i messed up!" and so after a call to mommy- i've changed my ticket to go back to tucson 10 days early. i'm happy about it. now that the new ticket has been procured and i'm done figuring things out and sitting on the phone on hold with various airline related folk- its all good and i can set out and enjoy my last four days in athens. i miss tucson- friends, cats, cozy little apartment in the sun. and my bed. i really miss my bed.

so that's it for now i guess.

love

t.s.h.