balancing act

on the one hand, i want to be back in school, i think it is the place for me.

on the other hand, school takes up a lot of time and energy and it's much more fun to be involved in things rather than just reading about them. so maybe if i can't go to school, it will be better and i can still do what i want to do outside of the dayjob life.

so really either way it will be okay. i just have to keep writing. as long as i keep writing, something good will happen.

how are you?

are you happy?

do you feel strong today?

i love you.

stupid elite institutions

i just want to go to school. i don't know why, i just have always had a sense that it's the place for me. but only people with money get to go to school. if you don't have the money, someone has to give it to you. if no one gives you the money, you don't get to go.

and then supposedly, academia is some vast storehouse of knowledge, where intellectuals congregate and work to contribute to bodies of knowledge out there in the world.

but only certain people are involved in that. not everyone gets to be a part of it. it doesn't matter how intelligent you are, how important you (i) feel your (my) ideas are, it doesn't matter if your heart tells you that you have something for the world to hear. if you don't have money, you can't go to school.

stupid capitalist system.

stupid patriarchal competitive institution.

stupid me who thinks it's worth something and important in the first place.